How Do I Know If I Have a Drinking Problem?

There is no easy way to tell if your son or daughter is having a problem with alcohol and other drugs or if they are showing normal growing up behaviors.

A first step in recognizing a problem is knowing what to look for. Occasionally, parents become aware of drug use when they are faced with the kind of evidence that is hard to ignore - a son or daughter comes home intoxicated, or marijuana or tobacco is found in a jeans pocket. Most of the time, though, parents become concerned when they notice a change in their child's behavior. The chart below certainly is not a complete list of such changes, nor does showing these behaviors necessarily meant there is a drug problem. However, the chart offers examples of problem behavior that may be related to alcohol and other drug use.

Examples of problem behavior Has your child: Lost interest in activities? Changed friends for a group who seem to drink or use drugs or is secretive about new friends? Begun acting like a different person? Experienced a drop in school performance or an increase in problems at school? Begun skipping school? Begun stealing from family members? Experienced reduced memory, concentration, attention span? Changed daily living habits dramatically? Left drug paraphernalia or empty alcohol containers in his or her room or in other places? Been in trouble at school, work or with the police? Complained of "hangover" symptoms, unexplained health problems or changes in sleep habits? Lied or avoided talking about where she or he is going? Had unexplained major mood changes? Displayed a striking change in personal habits; become either careless about appearance and personal hygiene or unusually neat? Had red, bloodshot eyes, seems uncoordinated? Experienced a significant weight loss or gain? Had unfamiliar smells on breath, clothes or hair? Used tobacco? This often precedes use of alcohol and other drugs.

If you see only one of these signs there may or may not be a reason for concern. A combination of these signs, however, may be more troublesome. Likewise, you may observe an occasional incident or set of behaviors that makes you uncomfortable, or that appears to be risky or unacceptable. You can certainly share your concern about the occasional incident, and set up consequences if appropriate. These occasional behaviors, when observed over time, may begin to show a pattern. When patterns start showing, you need to take action.

Keep in mind, these signs do not always mean alcohol, tobacco and other drug use. They may be pointing to other problems. Regardless, you can respond in a positive way to provide the support and help your child needs.

This is an excerpt from the MPRC publication titled, "The Know, A Parent's Guide to Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drugs" copyright 2002. For more information on these or other resources, please call: Minnesota Prevention Resource Center, 1-800-782-1878 or 763-427-5310.

The See It, Say It 6-Step Process

1. I Care. Tell the person that you care about him/her. Establish a personal connection to reduce defensive feelings.
   
   You are a good friend, and I'm upset because I see you doing things that are dangerous.
   
   I love you and don't want you to hurt yourself.
   
   
2. I See. Tell the person exactly what he/she has done that concerns you. Present facts, not impressions, based on what you see.
   
   Last night you had eight beers in less than three hours and then tried to drive home.
   
   Last night you came in two hours late and smelled of alcohol.
   
   You became so angry last night that I was sure you were going to hit me.
   
   
3. I Feel. Tell the person how you feel about the way you see him/her acting. Remove blame from the interaction.
   
   I get really angry...
   
   I get really scared...
   
   
4. Listen. After you tell the person that you care, what you've seen and how you feel, it's important to be willing to listen to what he/she says. A variety of responses can be expected. Many people will say nothing. They may not have been prepared for this and will not be ready to talk with you. Some may become angry and tell you it's none of your business. Others may thank you and say they'll make changes in their behavior. And there are still others who may share with you a problem that goes well beyond your ability to be helpful.
   
   
5. I Want. Tell the person what you would like to see him/her do.
   
   I do not want you to drink alcohol at all until you are old enough to do so legally.
   
   I want you to tell me ahead of time when we go out and you want to drink, and I'll drive.
   
   
6. I Will. Tell the person what you are willing and able to do to help. Our responses can range from simply being available as a good listener to helping arrange a meeting with someone who can help. If the person chooses to say nothing let him/her know that the door is open to discuss this at any time.
   
   I'll always be here if you need a friend to talk to, or just a hug.
   
   I'll help you make an appointment to speak with a counselor.
   

Remember, the best time to talk with someone about an important topic is:

• when you feel comfortable and private;
• when you're not likely to be disturbed;
• when you have time to talk things through; and
• when neither of you has been drinking or using drugs.

If the behavior that concerns you does not change or if you discover a serious problem additional help may be necessary. Assisting a person to get the best professional help available is often the most caring action anyone can take. Some schools have trained counselors who can be helpful. Many companies have employee assistance programs. Communities often have a network of professional people that can be contacted. In addition, a variety of self-help groups, including Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon, can provide help for many people.

This a section from the MPRC publication titled, Walking the Talk: A Program for Parents About Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drug Use and Nonuse, c 1996. MPRC can provide facilitators or can train others to facilitate the program. Please call, 1-800-782- 1878 or 763-427-5310.